A Tale Of A TweenAge Nutcracker

Here we go.

He would turn himself inside out if he knew I was writing about this, but sometimes I find myself in situations where I really wish I was a guy...

Like now, living with a "tween" who, on a daily basis, gets taller, a bit moodier, more handsome, a little more awkward, and has questions and behaviors that I just have to shake my head at...

He, is my son Nick...goofy, messy, intelligent, sometimes dense~but always loving, kind-hearted, wonderful Nick.

And he is getting older.

Yikes.

Let me go back a few days when his dad called me and told me he was going out of town and wouldn't be around for Lacrosse practice, and, could I POSSIBLY get him and the other two hooligans to practice?

SURE.

And further more, ahem, Nick needed...

Dun-Dun-DAAAAAAH!!!!~

A CUP.

Oh, come on.

Well, he did, and since he was going out of town, could I get one for him?

SAY, WHAT?

I really had no choice since they would be doing "cup checks" at the next practice!

BARBARIC! What is this? HAZING!?!?

"No." His father explained. "Its just something they do. They need to be protected."

Ugh.

"So can you get one?"

Sure.

So I skulked into Olympia Sports the next day, praying for a lady sales-person, well-versed in "cups" to help me select the perfect one.

Not a chance.

This very young boy, who looked just as embarrased as I was, approached as I was standing in front of the "supporter" selection.

"Can I help you?" He asked, sounding very much like Peter Brady when "It Was Time To Change." (BTDUB...I am a HUUUUGE Brady Bunch buff...ask me anything)!

"Well, yes, son, you can tell me which of these thingys I need for my kid."

"What size is his waist?"

Huh?

"I have no idea...what does that have to do with it?"

"Thats how the sizing works." HE looked annoyed with ME!

"OOOOOHHH! THATS a relief! I thought I had to know the size of something ELSE!"
I felt an amazing sense of calm wash down over me. See...if I was a GUY I would have know this little factoid!

I settled on the size, a mouthguard(also on the list) and a package of sour gummy worms. (I deserved a treat)!

I left the store triumphantly, bag in hand...another first. And let me tell you, these things are NOTHING like I thought! And what a relief that was!

So, onto yesterdays events...

My day was going to be hectic, no doubt.

I had appointments scheduled for work, Hubby had to work(thought he was off), and I had to get the boys to practice for 5:30~and in-between the regular life stuff, like eating and trying to breathe.

At 7am, Nick came rambling down the stairs:

OH NO! WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!

Nicks eye was swollen like Quazi-Moto!

He couldn't open it, it was puffy and red, and a trip to the doctors was certainly going to be scheduled in somewhere.

Shift. Modify. Adapt.(Learned that from TINA).

Called the Doc..."Could you get him here at 10:45?"

I really had no choice.

Sure.

Well, long story short, I made it to my appointments, hubby was able to get Nick to the doctors appointment...and it turned out to be some sort of bite...should get better in a couple of days...Benadryl and ice...No Problem. Put it on the list.

I picked Nick up and went to the store to pick up the Benadryl and snacks for later, since his buddy was sleeping over.

We were unloading the cart, and I could not get that kid to help! He just stood there staring at the magazines.

"Nick!"

No response.

"Nick! Some help please!"

He barely shook off his reverie, and started to slowly put the groceries on the belt...

Then I saw what had his unwavering attention:

Boobs.

Splashed across every magazine...Heidi Montag, Kim Kardashian...all such women of natural beauty...

ugh.

"I was NOT looking at that! I was looking at the Wolverine movie!"

Sure.

"Its okay, Nick. Don't worry!"

I didn't mean to embarass him. Crap.

"Lets go to MacDonalds." I suggested.

"YEAH!"

Scene forgotten. Maybe he would order a chicken nugget happy meal just so he could get the toy...OKAY, probably not...just wishing a bit...

The day went on normally for me...work-kids-work-dinner-practice-kids...I got the two boys loaded up and set off to pick up the third.

Now I had three "tweens" for the 40 minute trip to practice.

They were loud. Funny. Talking about Pokemon and music and holding their breath when we passed cemeteries...And then one shouted:

"Hey Nick! Got your CUP?"

And simultaneously all started knocking on their new "protection."

They thought it was hilarious.

I wanted to crawl into the glove compartment.

"You guys. Stop."

They didn't hear me and now were trying to keep up with the beats of Justin Beiber.

Singing~Tapping~Laughing...

Sometimes I wish I were a guy.

This kept up all the way to practice. I didn't say another word.

They had a whole conversation about these new pieces of equipment...I tried not to listen, I really didn't want to know...

But I guess I have to learn about all of this.

It was so much easier when I just had to pick out the right Bakugan figure, or decide which Happy Meal to order for him, or believe that he absolutely was looking at Wolverine stuff...

Times they are a changin.'

Here we go.

funny.crazy.love.