Thursday, January 13, 2011

Call Me Crazy

Yesterday I was surprised by life once again.

You'd think that nothing much would surprise me after some of the things that have happened,  things that I've experienced, events that I've been witness to...

But yesterday was kind of funny. And kind of not funny.

And it all has to do with the telephone.

So yesterday was an all-out, old-fashioned blizzard here in Maine. I had a feeling the night before that there would be no school...and like a kid, I was psyched.

I was up at 5:45 am~and hurray! There was coffee in the new red pot...I sat down and watched my beloved weather. Right away, I heard the Tinker-bellish tones...I HAD A TEXT MESSAGE! It still thrills me a little to get text messages...It was my hubby letting me know that schools in Augusta were cancelled...which meant that I didn't have to trek into my meeting..."aahhh." Sweet Relief.

So I watched the cancellations roll across the screen..."JAY SCHOOLS~CLOSED."


Even though I would be working from home, I was going to have the whole day with my babies cozied up together in the house.

I relished the quiet morning. The kids were sleeping~I made chocolate mini-muffins from scratch (well, scratch from a box...I added the eggs and water, though).

Then...the phone rang.

Piercing the silent house. It wasn't even 7am!

It showed up as a cell phone number...I didn't recognize it, but I didn't want the ringing to wake the kids...



There was a pause.

"Zack?" A male voice asked me.

"Uuuum. Nope. You must have the wrong number." I explained in most un-Zack-like voice.

"Is this 555-5555?" He asked.

"It is but there is nobody named Zack here."

"Well Amber gave me this number..."

"I don't know Amber and I don't know Zack." I said.

"Oh. I must have the wrong number."

As I hung up the phone I heard the toilet flushing, doors opening, footsteps coming down the hall...

"Happy Snow Day!" I said to the three of my kids. And they took the muffins and headed downstairs to plop in front of Spongebob. The day felt kind of like a holiday...why not?

My husband called to check in.

My mom called to see if I had to go anywhere.

US CELLULAR CALLED to remind me that I needed to pay the bill. Riight. "I'll get right on that." I thought saracstically.

It was barely 8am.

What would we do without phones?

the ding-dong letting me know I have email.
a blackberry message.
a voice mail.

I got to work emailing~It would have been fruitless to try to conduct sales over the phone, people were too pre-occupied with the snow, or businesses were closed all-together. (But I did get one sale, miraculous).

I was working downstairs when my first surprise hit.

My oldest son...

Whenever I see him lately, I'm surprised by how tall he is. He just turned 12. And when he speaks, I have to turn around to be sure that there isn't some strange man in the room...



"Is it okay if I give 'my girlfriend' our home phone number?"


"You have a....(choke, but try to hide the choke) girlfriend?"

"I do." He said with a huge smile.

I chug-a-lugged my coffee.

"Wh-who is it?" I asked. Trying to stay calm, but wanting to pass out right over the side of the chair.

He told me the name of the young lady that was now "his girlfriend."

"Didn't you like her last year?" I wanted to talk to him, but found myself trying to remember exactly when he stopped being interested in Pokemon or Bakoogan or whatever used to have his attention.

"Yeah, but she broke up with me, remember? She asked me out again."

I actually saw a few of my own strands of hair turn grey. (I just cut my own bangs. You'd think I would have learned my lesson).

"Look, honey." I tried to be calm. "I understand that you like her, but I think you're kind of young to be 'boyfriend/girlfriend.' I really think seeing her at school is enough."

"Soooooo....No?" He looked horrified.

"Right. No. No for now. Okay?"

Now, my son is a gem. He has never, I mean NEVER given me attitude, or argued with me or disrespected me in any way. BUT... I know when the kid is disappointed.

He just stood there.

Looking at me.

"It's just talking on the phone, Mum."

"I know. But really, I think you are too young. I mean, you can't even cut your own meat! I still have to remind you to brush your teeth!!"

I wanted to scream..."You are still MY BABY!!!"

But I didn't. And he left the room. My heart was pounding. "Here we go." I thought.

The next call was a work call.
Then my husband again.
Then Julie.
And then...

"Private Number."

To me, that means either my husband calling from the station or a doctor's office.


" there?"

MACKENZIE? My FIVE year old?

"Ummm. Yes...can I ask who is calling?"

And the little voice gave her name "Mary."

"Sure. Hold on please."

I called for my daughter, playing dress-up in her room.

"Mackenzie! You have a phone call!!"

She came running down the stairs, hair bouncing around her shoulders, head to toe in "faux" baubles. Her favorite sparkly "guitar" shirt that she wears when she is pretending to be Taylor Swift...She took the phone like she had been expecting this call all along...

"Hello? Oh, Hi Mary! What are you doing?...Really?...Cool."

Now, Mackenzie has had this imaginary friend named Stacy for about a year, with whom she frequently converses via "cell phone." The conversations she has sound so real, I've said before...I swear there is really a girl named Stacy on the other end, wearing purple nail polish and picking her nose...

But this time, there was really a friend on the other line...

As I listened to her giggle with excitement, I swear my life fast forwarded ten years, when she would really BE fifteen...Not just SOUNDING like she was...

I shook off my reverie and listened as she was making plans for her friend to come over...

"WAAAAITTAAASSECOOND!!" I rushed to her, tripping over my leopard snuggie. (I love that thing).

"Honey, you can't make plans without asking me. I am working today, and there is seventeen feet of snow...I can't invite guests today." I whispered in a hushed panic.

"That's Okay, Mom, she just called to talk." She explained to me.

Of Course. Silly me.


Are kids really doing this at age 5??

And on went the ringing. ALL day.

So much for my quiet day at home. The phone literally kept me on the edge of my seat, or completely off of it, all damned day.

The last straw was this one...


Is it just me? Or my aging ears? But as the day begins to wind down, sounds get louder and louder.

I didn't even bother to look at caller i.d.



"Hello?" I asked, irritation tumbling out with the greeting.


Really? Someone is calling me and asking ME to hold? Are you effing serious? After my lovely snow day was marred by my son, (who, by-the-way, announced on Facebook that he is "IN A RELATIONSHIP")
who was disappointed and likely angry at me for putting the ka-bosh on the boyfriend-girlfriend-phone-thingy. By the realization that time really does fly by...that chocolate-chip-mini-muffins won't always thrill my babes...that Kiki will soon not want to be called Kiki, because she will be too grown up? And she will be chatting on the phone, making plans, without checking with me...

I may have vented all of this to the "important message" recording, I don't know.

So as my day wound to a close, and the kids were in bed, I sat down in my again quiet house.

The phone rang.

And as I jumped to answer it, so the ringing wouldn't wake the kids, I was surprised again.

I stepped right on one of Nick's Pokemon.

Thanks For Reading.