Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Casey Casey Moose Macaroni

This one may need to be read twice...
I'm not sure I can write about the events of this particular day in a way that makes sense. But I'll give it a try...

Here it goes...

WAIT! Before you continue, I want to warn you of some implied foul-language.

There. Continue...

My life took another turn for the crazy when 2 things happened, almost simultaneously:

Nick started playing sports.

And we got another dog: Also named Casey.

I'll start with the Casey issue.

One day my husband called with that tone that I have come to recognize as the "I have some KIND of bad/weird news...I'm gonna tell you, then hang up so you can think about it before you make any decisions/judgements, etc..."

Usually its, "there's an overtime shift open...will you be okay if I work another 32 hours straight?" He is a cop, and overtime is a part of the job. We are both blessed to have steady careers with benefits and what-not, but being alone with the kids (2 still in diapers) all the time can take its toll. I could handle it, though, for I AM ONE TOUGH MAMA.

Anyway, this particular call was a bit different. I could tell it was well rehearsed when he started to tell me about this man who had called the police department to see if they needed a partially trained, full-bred German Shepherd "puppy." The department couldn't take her, so...could we?

Chris had grown up with a German Shepherd, and I had always known his intention of having one again someday. But when Chris married me, he also married my enormous love dog, Casey. A massive, but overly-affectionate Golden Retriever. Another dog was not on my radar.

But he went on to plead his case:

As he was working nights, he would feel more comfortable knowing there would be more of a "guard dog" here to protect us. This particular dog was full-bred, with all of her papers, shots, credentials...you name it. And she wasn't going to cost a thing. The owner realized she was going to need more activity, and just couldn't give her the life she needed.

We talked about it for a couple of days, and, you guessed it...I agreed.

On the day Chris was going to bring her home, he told me, in THAT tone...

"By the way...Her name is...Casey."


We were going to have two dogs named Casey?

Of course we were. Why the hell not? It made perfect sense here at 1.4.5. Crazy.

And so it was.

Chris came home that night with our new addition.

"New Casey" was a lithe, jumping, nipping, barking "puppy" who was already taller than me when she (frequently) jumped up for some love. She was very affectionate for a "guard dog."

Like a newborn, she kept me up most of the night, with her constant need to pee, or to cuddle, or whatever it was that she needed. "Old Casey" was as irritated as I had ever seen him. Not jealous, just annoyed.

Anyway, days went on, and New Casey was doing well, but it was getting to be too much for me, I felt like "octomom." And I had to get Nick to soccer practice for heaven's sake!

I was getting pretty good about making dinners at the beginning of the week, and freezing them. (Very "Good Housekeeping," I know). That day, I had taken out a gorgeous homemade macaroni and cheese, and set it on the counter to thaw.

I got Nick to and from practice, lickety-split. I was like a machine: loading and un-loading the babies...it was going to be fine. Both dogs fed, "Casey! Casey! Come and eat!" sent both dogs thundering through the house. The sounds of the kids, the dogs, the phone, the ringing in my ears, all made for a normal day.

What wasn't a normal sound that day was Nick, my even-keeled, never-ruffled son, screaming from the top of the stairs~

"MAAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAA!!!! Look out the window!!!!!!!"


Trotting down our backyard was a moose! Not a baby moose looking for his mama. Not a little lady moose.

A big-ass, huge, gigantic PaPa moose with a rack that spanned across the horizon.

He was trotting, no, galloping, RIGHT TOWARD THE KITCHEN DOOR!!!

This is when all hell broke loose.

I started screaming at Nick: "Get the...PHONE...Get the...camera...Call...Bup! (my dad)Call...Holy Sh*%!!!!...Oh My #$$%..."

Poor Nick was white as a ghost, and had no idea what action to take.

"What do you want me to...?"

"Je#$% Ch##$%! Get the cam..the phone..the...phamera!"

The moose was coming right up to the door.

Did he smell the heavenly mac and cheese? Was my cooking so tempting that it brought beasts out of the forests? (Just kidding)

I grabbed the camera, I don't know why...I guess I figured no one would believe the close proximity of this larger than life creature standing at my kitchen door. I also had the phone speed dial my parents, was holding onto a screeching Tyler, yelling incoherently into the camera and phone at the same time...OCTOMOM.

He stood there for minutes(seemed like an hour)and just stared into what must have looked like a rated "R" Calgon commercial: kids screaming, dogs barking, mama cussing like a proverbial sailor, trying madly to get him on film.

He must have moose-chuckled to himself...I swear he shook his rack at me, rolled his eyes and turned and walked very non-chalantly around the pool, down the side of the house, and onto our front yard, here he stood majestically for quite a few minutes. He looked like the moose in front of Len Libby, or any other moose statue that stands guard of countless businesses here in Maine.

We watched from the big window as cars slammed on their breaks...surely there would be more to film!

He stayed for a while. Right there on our front lawn, watching the traffic go by, with an occasional glance back at the crazy family watching him. Nick, Kiki, Tyler, Casey and Cas...Oh-Oh.

Where was New Casey?

Well, the moose finally took off for the woods across the street...stopped traffic for a bit while he crossed...and I turned off the camera. (which, by the way filmed, roller-coaster style, blurry, but with the horrific-mommy-cussing, kids screaming, dogs barking loud and clear...it really is funny, now. Someday I just might share that "video" with you).

So now, where, again, was New Casey?

She obviously had grown bored with the shenanigans of the moose craziness, and had settled down in the kitchen with my.beautiful.wonderful.macaroni.and.cheese.

And so again started the naughty words.

I really wanted to make it work with Casey and Casey. I would have lived on in the nuttiness of having two large dogs named Casey, but fate stepped in, and a wonderful family nearby adopted her. She lives happily a couple of blocks away, and we see her often on our walks.

We have never seen that moose again. I don't blame him for not returning.

I do have a video that documents the events of the day, in the style that has become normal for the gang at 1.4.5 Crazy Road.

P.S. After reviewing the tapes...I penalized myself and took a time-out...I am now very aware every time a bad word slips...And apologize quickly to my children...

Hope this made you laugh a little...

Thanks for reading~


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