Here are the rules and regulations for all who reside at, or visit the residence of 145 Crazy Road:
I the Mama, In order to form a less crazy household,Establish Justice, Ensure domestic tranquility, Provide for the health and happiness, Promote the General Welfare, Secure the Potential for a few minutes of peace each day, For Ourselves and Our Guests, Do Ordain and Establish this Constitution, For The Family and Friends of Crazy Road.
1)You have the freedom of speech, but no naughty words, or "bathroom talk" is permitted. I'm not a fool, I know you try to whisper and call each other names, like "stupid meanie" "poophead" and other bits of random profanity heard and copied after certain moments of frustration, but upon hearing such language, however funny it may be, you will face consequences.(See #4).
2)You must seize all activity, or complete whatever direction(i.e:"get your pajamas on right now," "let her hair go!" "stop fighting," "get back here," "this mess better be picked up in 5-4-3..." upon hearing "the countdown."
3)You should not ever whine or complain to me before I have had at least one FULL cup of coffee.
4)A few drops of hot-sauce is NOT considered cruel or unusual punishment. Remember that the next time you feel like repeating "di@*head," or any other words you may have heard on the bus.
5)You should understand that sliding down the stairs on the futon mattress is permittable, but not before 6am. And Tyler, even though whispering in my sleepy ear, "But Mama, it's so fwiggin fun!" is hilarious, your right was initially denied. You did it anyway. Not okay.(but still, funny).
6)Laughter is ALWAYS permitted, even if you have a mouthfull of milk.
7)You have the right to be in "comfy clothes" at any point in the day. Especially in yucky weather.
8)Farts are considered funny here at Crazy Road. With the understanding that they are not acceptable everywhere.
9)Please help me keep this place clean. Sheesh!
10)Snow days are considered holidays, and celebrated as such. Except in April. Then I'm just pissed. See #3.
11)Manners. Here and everywhere. Thank You.
12)Hugs, kisses and poochies are available to you at all times. UNLESS the door is closed to the bathroom. Then, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, just give me a minute.
13)Be respectful of others. If you are "hanging out" in Nick's room(and I know, it's cool)You are ABSOLUTELY NOT allowed to steal his Easter candy and proceed to eat it in his bed when he isn't there. That is a NO-NO.
14)Brush your teeth before bed, but do not GARGLE. I know Bup taught you, but until Bup comes over every night to wipe up the un-GODLY mess of toothpaste and water all over the walls, mirror, sink and floor, stop doing it.
15)Eat your dinner.
16)Do NOT answer the phone if the caller i.d. says "unknown" or "800 Service."
18)Do not try to get me to like frogs. Don't tease me with "Kermit," Don't try to convince me that they are cute. And understand that if I see a mouse or other rodent in and/or around our home, I will scream and run. You will be left to fend for yourselves.
19)Know that you are loved unconditionally, and that there is nothing in the world you can't talk about, ask or wonder aloud about...except how babies are made...I'm just not ready for that.
20)You will have Twinkle-Twinkle sung to you until you are 30(Kiki), if you wish. You may also select any Christmas Carol to be sung at bedtime(Tyler)to you, 365 days a year. You will be provided with "Fresh" water at bedtime as well. And Nick, as long as you live under this roof, I will come in and say "Goodnight," and straighten your covers. I will also kiss you on your forehead. I don't care how old or how tall you are. You are still my baby.
21)Understand that Life here at Crazy Road is just that: CRAZY. But I promise to make every day fun. To keep you healthy and happy. To read to you and help you with homework, if necessary. Except math. Then you're on your own.
This Bill of Rights will be ammended as needed. By me. Because I am the Mama. And because I said so.
Thanks for Reading