Saturday, June 12, 2010

A Funny Thing Happened On My Way To The...

People often ask me how I can find so many things to write about, or if I worry about running out of ideas...


Here are just a few things that have happened recently in my life that have made me laugh out loud, giggle quietly to myself, or stopped me in my tracks in amazement at the universe...

You already have a pretty good idea that my kids are funny. They say funny things, they make funny faces, they sing Beatles songs word for word, and can bring me to tears with their rendition of Gordon Lightfoot's "If You Could Read My Mind..."

They each have their own little speech impetiments, that of course they will grow out of, but until it is absolutely necessary, I'm not going to correct...

Mackenzie calls Butterflies-"Butter-slies" and any other word with "fl" she pronounces "sl." She also says the word "mind" instead of "mine," in sentences like, "Tyler can't play with that doll, it's MIND."

Of course, Tyler repeats everything she says, so he talks the same way. Like the sound "v" as in love, shove, ever, they both replace with a "b."

So the other day, they were eating breakfast and Tyler started yelling, "MAMAMAMMA!!!!" Wook! Dayas a DUB on Daddys Booodfeedah!"

I looked to see a huge pigeon-y looking bird sitting on the feeder(one of the many that my husband is obsessed with, hanging in random spots around the yard)~

I couldn't help giggling at this.

"Oh! You mean a DOVE!"

"Yes, Momma." Kiki chimed in..."Look! Now there's TWO DUBs!"

heeheehee. DUBS. I make them tell the story over and over. It makes me laugh every time. I lub it.

Tyler will be four in August. He has been potty-trained for well over a year now, but occasionally still needs help in the, ahem, cleaning up department...

He will yell relentlessly after pooping, insisting I come and look at not only the, well, poop, but to check his bum to make sure he is "clean as a whistle."

Sometimes I get frustrated, because I am forced to stop whatever it I'm doing and repond to Tylers POOP 911.

When I feel frustrated, sometimes "bad" words slip. I know, I know, I need to watch what I say, but after years and years of diapers and poop, I am ready to move on.

I am sure I've said words like "DAMN-IT" and "Sh@#." And I am sure my sweet cherubs have repeated these words, even without me present, but the other day...

My husband was in the bathroom, door closed.

When he came out, Tyler was waiting.

"Did you go poop, Daddy?" (Nothing is sacred around here).

"Yes, Tyler." He replied.

"Did you wipe your own ass?"

(I know you are laughing at this).

The other day, the same kid had one of those "rough" days. He fell down the stairs, and took a knee in the face while "playing" with Nick. He never cried, even though the bump under his eye looked pretty ugly.

He blew it off and went outside to play.

I went back to work...

I heard doors opening and closing. Footsteps up and down the stairs. TV on.

A few minutes went by, I went upstairs to check on everyone...

I found Tyler laying on the couch with a wrapped ice-pack over his forehead.

"What happened?"

"Oh, I bumped into a twee."


"Me and Keek were wunning awound and I ran into a twee." He said, never letting up on the ice-pack.

"Wook. Dayas a ho-el."

And on his forehead WAS a hole! Swollen and red, with a cut...

"Did Nick get the ice pack for you?"

"No. I did."

"Did he help you?"

"No. I got it in da fwidge and wapped it in da towel."


"I'm gonna west now, Mama. I'm beat."

And he laid back down, with his ice-pack, and closed his eyes.


Now, when I talk about how amazing this universe is, I mean it.

I know there are books out there like "The Secret" and others that theorize that the universe will bring to you what you bring to it.

If this is true, I am definitely giving it some kind of crazy.

Someday, I will write the story of the amazing way that I met my truly is a story of missed opportunities and being in the right place at the right time...6 years later, something must be working...

Anyway, the other day, I was at a trade show. It was packed from the moment the doors opened. It was stuffy and crowded, and I was exhausted.
You know when you get so tired and hungry that all you can think about is eating? And you crave something so specific that nothing else will do?

Sometimes its sweet. Sometimes its salty. Sometimes, its more than that. Like something you haven't had in a long time.

Like an ITALIAN sandwich.

By the way, for anyone from "away," an Italian is a long sandwich with ham or salami, cheese, pickles, tomato, onion, peppers, olives, oil/salt/pepper. (Of Course, any of these can be eliminated, extra-d, or whatever, depending on taste)...

I mean, I would't say that Italian sandwiches are a favorite of min(d).

I'll eat one once in a while, but it's not something I would run out to buy for lunch, blah-blah-blah, you get what I'm talking about.

Except for this day.

I was on my way to the ladies room, and I specifically went the long way, trying to avoid seeing anyone I knew. I was so tired from talkingtalkingtalking, i just wanted to pee and get back to break down the booth.

Of course, I passed a booth with some of my clients/friends, and stopped to chat.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

"I am sooooo hungry!" Was the first thing that flew out of my mouth.

"We have some candy...want a Snickers?"

"Nah. No, thanks. I want something, you know...goood."

"There's a concession stand..." he was trying to be helpful. I know. But I had visions of...

"I want FREE. I want to walk by the SAM'S booth or something and have them offer me a free ITALIAN or something..."

Now, the aisles were buzzing with people. It was loud and crowded. I said this in a normal tone, no one else could have heard me say this to my friend...

I felt a tap on my shoulder...

I turned to see this stranger, clearly a rep from an attending business...

He had his company's logo...he was from the booth across the aisle...

"We have some sandwiches left over...would you like one or two?"

"Are you KIDDING?!?!?!??!"

He led me across to his booth and opened a cooler, packed with wrapped-up, huge ITALIAN sandwiches!!!!!

"Our kitchen packed this for us, but we never got a chance to eat them. I'd hate for them to go to waste..."

He was new bff.

My face, my jumping around yelling, my bugging eyes...

He had no idea why an Italian sandwich would make this weirdo behave as though she had just won a BILLION DOLLARS...

I explained that I had just pretty much asked the universe to deliver, and it did...

I should have asked for a car...

What are the chances?

I have re-told this story several times, mostly to my family, who simply aren't as surprised as I was.

"These things ALWAYS happen to you, Kris."

I guess they do.

Which is why I most likely will NOT run out of things to write about.

Really, not a day goes by that something doesn't make me laugh, even chuckle a bit, at the antics of strangers, my kids funny way of looking at life, my hilarious friends and family, or how this universe brings amazing, fascinating, wonderfully funny events to our lives, if we just watch, listen, and find the humor.

Thanks for Reading.

1 comment:

  1. I see a book coming sometime in the future. After all these years, I have finally learned to just enjoy life as it comes. I am so glad you are totally enjoying your children's words of wisdom. Who better to learn from?